Here is a taste of what is in the January 2018 Jays Bubble magazine. Get yourself a free copy by clicking the link below.
By Savai Lomosi.
First of all, happy new year! This is yet another year to make even bigger mistakes, kiss is more frogs and basically make better memories! Blah blah blah!
Are you experiencing rejection? Is there a man or a slay queen that you want to get their attention (or get in their pants, whatever your needs are) to no avail? Some of those symptoms include, but no limited to, obsessively stalking their social media accounts, unanswered Dms and blue ticks.
Well, I am here to help! No, not with your Dm problems! That’s your own personal bone to pick. I am here to give pointers for 2018. Especially for the ladies. If you know me at a personal level, you can tell how much of a mess I am. And if you are in my squad you know how much we have planned for the year 2018. Big tings agwan.!
Let’s talk about this, 2017 has been a super-fast year. We can say it came quickly (pun not intended). It’s like just the other month we were celebrating Easter then, boom! Its Drinkcember! And here we are.
And now for the issue at hand,of fuckboism. You know, these type of guys who you meet today in a club or joint and by the end of the night, he can swear on his life that he wants to settle down with you, talking about ‘At my age I’m looking for a wife maze’. Bullshit! So how can you spot one in 2018? That’s why I am here, thank me later.
- They come like Santa. Bearing good gifts talking about ‘I will wait for you no matter how long it will be’. Well, to some extent they will and that’s because they have nothing else to do with their lives. Flee!
- They will tell you how all their exes are crazy, how ‘mimi zile vitu nilifanyia huyo dame aki!’ they especially like to play the victim so that we can feel pity on them! Too bad, we have been educated.
- They are the first to text asking ‘leo utakuwa wapi?’ ‘si ukam Memphis leo I buy you a drink’ boooy, I’m be in bed being a child of God.
- ‘Hi mami, is how?’ saying how ‘me I like intelligent mamis’ smh. For your info, me I don’t.
- The men have learnt some girls. So they know what you as a girl want and that is what they will use as bait. Are you lazy to take a matatu? Don’t worry, he has a car to drop you around and make your friends feel bad for settling way too early. Do you like doing your hair every two weeks? Don’t fret! He will be sending you two geez every two weeks. Do you like hanging out at brew bistro, he will be taking you there introducing you to his boys as ‘my mami’
- What you two to play ‘20 questions’ on WhatsApp. Do not, I repeat do not do it! It’s a trap.
- Relies entirely on his mum but doesn’t even respect women!
- Subaru Impreza. Subaru Legacy. Subaru Forester. Toyota Fielder. Toyota Mark X. Khaki shorts. Maasai sandals. Vans. Checkered shirts. Kileleshwa. Milimani. Lang’ata. Do these seem familiar? Yes? Well then, you have your answer.
- Nudes. Nudes. He wants them all.
I can only do nine because I can! But all in all, fuckbois do come in all shapes and sizes (we can also say they come quickly, okay I have overused this pun on this one post) and the results vary but when he is a fuckboi, he a fuckboi. And you, my love will know it!
Okay, now I’m done! See you around.
You can read more of Savai Lomosi’s work here